You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
