At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
