he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
