he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
