is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
