He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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