i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
