So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
