I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
