Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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