Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
