I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
