I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
