Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
