If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
