Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
