my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
