People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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