That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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