Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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