Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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