just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
