i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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