Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
