Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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