All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
