On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
