how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
