babies were throwing up all over the place
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
