And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
