I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
