My friends, they love my intelligence
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
