Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
