You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Me too!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
