Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
