Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize