my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize