No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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