Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
