I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
