38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
