Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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