you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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