Joe is yelling at the trees again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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