dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
