NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
