Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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