He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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