my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
