Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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