so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
