remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
