Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
