i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
