Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
