don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
