did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
