yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
