I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
